shedding the layers

i am unwrapping myself
so nervous
my heart ticks and cannot be calmed
not even for a minute
there's jam to be made
vegetables to be grown
clothes to be laundered
i can already hear the bubbles boiling up from those sweet red juices
even before the berries are picked
___________________________________

those mountains beckon in the distance
snowcapped and perfect in the sunset's calming light
pink and yellow, purple and white
___________________________________

i feel like digging into the earth
finding a damp patch and just sheathing my fingers inside
it reminds me of coming home after many months away
and finally feeling settled
our skin knows its origin and yearns to return
we all will, one day
after our hearts have pounded enough and sent the blood coursing through these familiar veins one final time
but i know, even when that day comes, i'll never have enough of this reality
these feelings that this dimension provides
the stories the trees tell me or the far off whisper of magic from mt. tabor
sometimes when i'm running i know this is perfect
this is enough
despite the pain and the sacrifice and all the struggle
i'll never stop falling in love with this reality

so close

i can still hear the gunshots
that sent those bullets ripping through our professor's chest
and the whoosh of the car that nearly hit me
i can hear my grandmother's labored breaths
so deep and mechanical as the color drained from her skin
i can still taste the fear on my tongue
and feel the knot in my heart
death is so close

with patrick

blue pony is smiling
behind blind eyes
he knows nothing
but unsailed seas
and unharmed pinatas
until the rise of the moon
behind swollen vision
reminds him of
hidden footprints
dew-laden flowers
reveal that truth he'd been seeking
tucked behind his ear like a cigarette
it was there waiting for the fire
ringing in his ears
accompanying his heartbeat
tick, tick, tick, tick
without melody
serene

from renn fayre

throw it in reverse, baby
back it up
as far as you can
relive it time and time again
it's only in your mind
the words, wounds
still unhealed
so many years later

_______________________

in black & white
the perception of
complexity
is lost

_______________________


a calm meadow
haunts me
grizzly?
did i imagine your blonde hair in the distance?

_______________________

melancholy moods
sway among the wanderers
peace among them
between them and the journey
a sweet sadness in their venture

_______________________

blue ballpoint
take me to the truth
tonight
if not now, when?

_______________________

Memories drip from our shirtsleeves
like that walk through last November's rain
you told me a secret i swore to keep
the reverberations still echoing in my heart
feelings surfaced, surprising
even now
i never knew

_______________________

Breathing smoke
from smoldering fire
we put out long ago
like matches igniting in a landfill
the burning returns me to the present
where i'm content in the sitting
without the thinking that
accompanies so much of this life
simply being
on the grass
living with the cherry blossoms

_______________________

lonliness
these red walls
remind me of the void
we shared the most
and then lost everything
but you're out there
in this sorrow
we're still connected

_______________________

I can see your footsteps in the sand
a lonely set of toes
thoughts accompany your movement
but i don't know them
how many miles will you walk in my absence?
how many memories will you make?
i long for the magical touch of your fingers, your mind
that smile, the slow upturning of your lips
and brightening of your eyes
an embrace for eternity

My home

What pride I feel to be surrounded by bicycles across Hawthorne.
Lulled to sleep with memories of kind smiles from strangers.
Local coffeeshops filled to the brim
Like foaming chais or steaming americanos.
Breathtaking Tabor leaves me with chills no matter how many shoes I wear out circling her.
Sun, rain, fog, wind, heat, cool, mist, dark gray, evergreen-somehow nouns move to adjectives when describing the weather here
Like this mist has become a color I associate with home.
The Welsh "hiraeth," resonates with me. I feel such longing just thinking about leaving.
I wonder if I ever will.

hmm

contentment flows through me
but it's a quick fix
like placebo decaf
hot and black
coffee scents
like cold, frozen, mocha ice
splash across my hot tongue
tasting the ground up grains
of the earth
my frothy life races by
juices pick me up with a crazy beat
i can only hope to keep up
as the bands blast their truth across the sky
of this ampitheater life

enjoying the roses

it's just a little pin-prick sensation
that tells me i'm alive
a little itch to wake me up
maybe a little too much
and here i am--wainting for rains to fall away with the dawn
and roses to rise up and fill my nostrils with a sweet sensation of truth
their choler pricks me
and here i am
awake with it all
watching it all
turn ever so beautifully
before my eyes