for consideration

"if fear is the motivating factor can peace ever be attained?"

"much of our current reality seems based in fear"

"what if we lost everything we ever owned tomorrow?"

i've been contemplating a powerful emotion lately---loneliness
this is what my grandmother felt
sometimes i know she's with me and i'm happy she's not alone anymore

a woman at fred meyer kicked me in the philosophical gut on saturday. i spent nearly a dozen minutes using the u-scan and emerged without a receipt. thinking the paper ran out, i walked by the attendant without a thought. she stopped me for a signature and asked if i wanted my receipt. i must have looked confused and she asked me if i was always this much of a pushover. the comment didn't really pertain to the situation at hand, except i could hear the universe behind her and knew this message was for me. no, i wanted to shout. but instead i gave her a weak smile. what a moment. this is it. if i want happiness--self-actualization--all of these states of reality i yearn for every night, i have to start demanding it of myself. i have to ask the universe to give it to me. i have to stand up for myself. and this starts with being honest, giving myself voice and letting my desires breathe.