living

it's so real right now
this pain and this beauty
i can hardly stand the juxtaposition
except to say that i stepped into this path many months ago
the life i live these days is real
it's authentic
i breathe life into my fears and my agony
my love and my peace
i'm digging deeper everyday into the soul of myself
searching for a calm i know exists
but sidesteps my emotions every chance she gets
i'll reach her
one day, as the sun is setting, and life is not looking
i'll catch that slippery emotion
love
or peace
peace
or love
whatever you fancy
i'll scrape together whatever words are left
and corner her
i'll let go of every other emotion in my soul
and bare my bones
to the cold and windy world
in that moment
i least expect
she'll arrive
wet and dripping on my doorstep
complaining about this cold Oregon rain
but tomorrow when we awaken in each other's arms
the tulips will be blooming
the sky cracking open with sunlight
a hammock waiting
for our embrace