covering suicide

I loved every moment of our discussion about suicide today. It was tough but necessary. I learned that framing and word choice in suicide reporting is crucial. Copycat suicide is real, so Act 1 articles demand careful consideration. But as the 10th-leading cause of death in the U.S., the media is not doing enough to address this saddening and maddening public health issue. More Act 2 and 3 stories are needed. Alternatives are available to people and this reality needs to be stressed more and more often in media accounts. I honestly can't remember the last time I read an Act 2 or 3 suicide article in  a national outlet. Of course, the story about the German pilot and Robin Williams both made headlines for days. But the story about parents mourning a child or children grieving a parent or friends saying goodbye to a friend 2, 5, 10 years on has been absent.

Watching my own aunt and uncle deal with the monumental loss of their son has been brutal. He took his life more than 15 years ago, and to them, it still seems like yesterday. I appreciated talking about how we won't often get to the why. I've been asking why about my cousin for a decade and a half.

And I didn't even consider admitting that I would never know. I always thought I would find out, somehow, miraculously why he did it. I once asked a woman who specialized in conversing with spirits to ask him. Looking back, she essentially told me to stop asking that question. But I didn't take a hint.

I guess the more proactive approach is to acknowledge the loss and work on preventing another loss. It actually seems kind of simple. But it means that I have to address the loss and give myself permission to move on without full understanding. I have to gain closure another way. Information will not provide that closure. Another key takeaway for me is to acknowledge that the stigma has kept most of my family from moving on. This is something that we didn't talk about today. But it is very real. My family knows it is healthy to talk about suicide, but none of us seem to know how. We ask "why," but it seems more rhetorical at times. Perhaps we ask an unknowable question on purpose because then we don't have to deal with the reality. Maybe I'm overthinking this or being too philosophical. Maybe I should have achieved closure years ago. But another side of me realizes that this sadness lingers because this story is not done. There is probably still more to learn from Justin Goldner, my brilliant, witty and sharp-tongued cousin. I hope his story can inform my reporting and editing in a positive way. I think he would like that.