the truth about you

part I

i am pulled to you
because of your refusal
to completely let me in

in you
i've found the opportunity to
laugh...cry...sulk...and swim into a vast ocean of emotional connection

your currents steer my tears
away from the shore
but i know i don't want to be on land anyway

your reticence reminds me
of my own fear; my own aloneness

at night, when i am tucked safely away from the world
with the blinds drawn and the covers pulled up

i remember
about being alone
the emotions and memories flare
then weaken and slowly subside into another dimension

part II

this solitute used to scare me
not in any superficial way
but the deep kind of way
the kind that creeps from the base of my core up into my heart
nesting there
waiting for a salve
that may never arrive

the years have weakened this naive panic
and replaced it with
.patience
..appreciation
...and joy
my own loneliness has softened into something a little less fierce

lesser
it still remains

part III

last year, when the leaves began to die
right before winter's birth

i met you at a bicycle rack

and i remembered the

first time i saw you
it was your eyes
that caught me
as i quickly scanned through facebook profiles
i stopped there in that pupil blackness
and saw a flicker
of recognition; or something else

your eyes reminded me of candlelight
and the way it dances around a wick the moment it's lit

in them
i saw sadness
hidden
just out of reach
of consciousness
and knowing

i stepped toward those eyes
knowing that your reticence, your aloneness
would keep me
returning

for another look

this entanglement of ours exudes a stubborn perseverance
something deeper than a look
a way of knowing

or even seeing