Sonali Deraniyagala's words ripped me away from my reality for two days. I couldn't stop reading her story. I kept thinking that what happened to her was worst-case scenario, then she addressed that exact sentiment about halfway through her book. She wrote, "I am the unthinkable situation that people cannot bear to contemplate." Exactly. "This wild statistical outlier ... luckless mother that I am."
She somehow emerged from the wave that day, and has been using words to work through her grief. Her book is an incredible gift to the world. As a journalist, I'm really grateful that she wrote it. As a person, I'm even more grateful. The assumptions we make on a daily basis can be like knives to a grieving person. It's hard to sum up my takeaways, but in order to put into words how I feel about this book, I'll try.
Her book is incredibly brave. She wrote through her grief and was brave enough to gift her words to the world. Thank you seems a paltry response. You have changed my world seems cliche. You have given me a new lens with with to view grief would be more accurate. Journalists need to read this book because, like she said, most of us would rather not even contemplate what happened to her. But we have to so that we won't sound like the assuming woman on the plane or the colleague or the couple at dinner. I don't think I'll ever see a single person at a restaurant the same way again. It really floored me that one of the reasons she didn't tell people was because she didn't want to hurt them. Of course, another reason was that because acknowledging the truth would make it more real and she used denial as a defense mechanism for a long time.
I can't begin to tell my own story to a stranger, so how could I begin to think I know anything about someone else's life? Life is long and complex and filled with so many experiences. Deraniyagala has let me inside an experience I've never heard about before. Hers. Of course I heard echoes of Angela Anderson's story in Deraniyagala's — the untouched rooms, the memories that reinforce what was real before that fateful day, the letting go of what will never be. But they were quite different, too. As I get older and hear more and more stories, I am struck at the diversity in our stories and equally important, the diversity in our reactions to what happens to us.
There is not one response to overwhelming grief. Deraniyagala's account of the wave is a perfect example of this. It's also a great example of how difficult it is to know what happening when you are caught up in the middle of something. She didn't even see the wave hit her family. She saw the terror on her husband's face and was immediately washed away. She sought out pictures of the Japanese tsunami with fascination because it offered a glimpse into what she lived through. I remember reading that the protests in the Arab Spring were similar. People didn't know what was happening on the ground level because they couldn't get a bird's eye view.
I think it's beautiful that time creates the space needed to heal. Deraniyagala will always have her memories. For a long time, they were too painful to sift through, but with time, she found she was able to return to them for healing, understanding and remembering.
She somehow emerged from the wave that day, and has been using words to work through her grief. Her book is an incredible gift to the world. As a journalist, I'm really grateful that she wrote it. As a person, I'm even more grateful. The assumptions we make on a daily basis can be like knives to a grieving person. It's hard to sum up my takeaways, but in order to put into words how I feel about this book, I'll try.
- Nature can be cruel.
- The timing of events can be senseless.
- Events in life have no explanation. Blame and regret breed pain.
- Overcoming grief is a lifelong process.
- Friend networks can and do help, but the internal processes are what makes life livable again.
- Writing is an incredibly cathartic process.
- Memories, though painful, can be an important part of the healing process.
Her book is incredibly brave. She wrote through her grief and was brave enough to gift her words to the world. Thank you seems a paltry response. You have changed my world seems cliche. You have given me a new lens with with to view grief would be more accurate. Journalists need to read this book because, like she said, most of us would rather not even contemplate what happened to her. But we have to so that we won't sound like the assuming woman on the plane or the colleague or the couple at dinner. I don't think I'll ever see a single person at a restaurant the same way again. It really floored me that one of the reasons she didn't tell people was because she didn't want to hurt them. Of course, another reason was that because acknowledging the truth would make it more real and she used denial as a defense mechanism for a long time.
I can't begin to tell my own story to a stranger, so how could I begin to think I know anything about someone else's life? Life is long and complex and filled with so many experiences. Deraniyagala has let me inside an experience I've never heard about before. Hers. Of course I heard echoes of Angela Anderson's story in Deraniyagala's — the untouched rooms, the memories that reinforce what was real before that fateful day, the letting go of what will never be. But they were quite different, too. As I get older and hear more and more stories, I am struck at the diversity in our stories and equally important, the diversity in our reactions to what happens to us.
There is not one response to overwhelming grief. Deraniyagala's account of the wave is a perfect example of this. It's also a great example of how difficult it is to know what happening when you are caught up in the middle of something. She didn't even see the wave hit her family. She saw the terror on her husband's face and was immediately washed away. She sought out pictures of the Japanese tsunami with fascination because it offered a glimpse into what she lived through. I remember reading that the protests in the Arab Spring were similar. People didn't know what was happening on the ground level because they couldn't get a bird's eye view.
I think it's beautiful that time creates the space needed to heal. Deraniyagala will always have her memories. For a long time, they were too painful to sift through, but with time, she found she was able to return to them for healing, understanding and remembering.
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