When I sat down to read Marie Colvin's Private War, I expected to meet a woman I couldn't really relate to. I thought she'd be taking one extreme risk after another and making decisions I just couldn't understand. Instead I traveled through a story that sounded believable. Complex, human and real.
Her experience in Sri Lanka was especially resonant for me. I traveled there in 2009 just a few months after one of the many truces over the years was called. Buses in Colombo were regularly bombed to draw attention to the violence in the north, and whenever I stepped on board, my heart would skip a beat. I never traveled farther north than Anuradapura. I never went to Tamil Tiger country. Our NGO operated there, and I had heard the horror stories. Mass graves, butchered children, genocide. I was sickened one night when I heard that Doctors Without Borders had sounded the alarm bell about what was happening in the north of the country and the government's response was to kick them out. I was stunned. We talked for hours about how our NGO couldn't follow suit. We had to keep our mouths shut so we could keep working. I argued with the country director about how maybe we wouldn't have so much work to do if the killings were halted. That was the beginning, even though I didn't recognize it at the time, of me stepping away from aid work and into journalism. I got sick of hearing about so many injustices and not being allowed to reveal them to supporters, donors, the public.
Marie existed to tell those stories. She had the right idea and got into the work for all the right reasons. But as time passed, the horrors caught up to her. I wonder what would have happened had one of those miscarriages turned out a different way? Would she have been like Kelly McEvers and had a crisis about her life decisions, backed away and examined what she was doing?
Marie Brenner did such a fantastic job of including details and describing Colvin's life. I loved reading about Colvin's childhood. The tension between her and her father was visceral. It definitely makes you want to sort out any lingering family grudges immediately.
The other aspect of her life I actually wanted to know more about were her relationships and her alcoholism. She tended to pick men who cheated. Why? And why alcohol? Did she love the escape? Was alcohol the same exercise as wading into war for her? Did it give her that same high? I suppose now it's impossible to know. But worth asking.
The details Brenner did provide were stunning. Reading the story made me feel, at least for awhile, that I knew Colvin. I agree that she needed more supportive editors. She needed rest. But I wonder if her attraction to destructive things would have ever lessened, even with more support. Perhaps she would have been miserable living a quieter existence. Perhaps she always knew that quiet life she talked about with Flaye would never materialize. Maybe that was the fantasy she promised herself, all the while knowing it was reporting that she wanted.
Her experience in Sri Lanka was especially resonant for me. I traveled there in 2009 just a few months after one of the many truces over the years was called. Buses in Colombo were regularly bombed to draw attention to the violence in the north, and whenever I stepped on board, my heart would skip a beat. I never traveled farther north than Anuradapura. I never went to Tamil Tiger country. Our NGO operated there, and I had heard the horror stories. Mass graves, butchered children, genocide. I was sickened one night when I heard that Doctors Without Borders had sounded the alarm bell about what was happening in the north of the country and the government's response was to kick them out. I was stunned. We talked for hours about how our NGO couldn't follow suit. We had to keep our mouths shut so we could keep working. I argued with the country director about how maybe we wouldn't have so much work to do if the killings were halted. That was the beginning, even though I didn't recognize it at the time, of me stepping away from aid work and into journalism. I got sick of hearing about so many injustices and not being allowed to reveal them to supporters, donors, the public.
Marie existed to tell those stories. She had the right idea and got into the work for all the right reasons. But as time passed, the horrors caught up to her. I wonder what would have happened had one of those miscarriages turned out a different way? Would she have been like Kelly McEvers and had a crisis about her life decisions, backed away and examined what she was doing?
Marie Brenner did such a fantastic job of including details and describing Colvin's life. I loved reading about Colvin's childhood. The tension between her and her father was visceral. It definitely makes you want to sort out any lingering family grudges immediately.
The other aspect of her life I actually wanted to know more about were her relationships and her alcoholism. She tended to pick men who cheated. Why? And why alcohol? Did she love the escape? Was alcohol the same exercise as wading into war for her? Did it give her that same high? I suppose now it's impossible to know. But worth asking.
The details Brenner did provide were stunning. Reading the story made me feel, at least for awhile, that I knew Colvin. I agree that she needed more supportive editors. She needed rest. But I wonder if her attraction to destructive things would have ever lessened, even with more support. Perhaps she would have been miserable living a quieter existence. Perhaps she always knew that quiet life she talked about with Flaye would never materialize. Maybe that was the fantasy she promised herself, all the while knowing it was reporting that she wanted.
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